“Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands and put my finger into the nailmarks and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”
Thomas speaks as a practical man, which is to say, a poet of the senses who has misplaced his imagination. He does not deny resurrection outright; he merely insists upon terms—terms that would make even a banker blush. He demands collateral from God: wounds as proof, scars as signatures, flesh as evidence of eternity.
And yet, Our Lord does not rebuke the request so much as the condition. For the tragedy of Thomas is not that he desires to see—but that he dares to say “unless.”
2. Meditatio
I confess that I am a disciple of Thomas, though perhaps a more polite one. I do not say aloud,
“Unless I see, I will not believe,”
but I whisper it in the marketplace of my dealings.
I will be merciful… unless. it costs me too much. I will forgive… unless. the other does not deserve it. I will trust… unless. I am first guaranteed a return on the investment of my charity.
The Divine Mercy devotion begins so nobly—Ask for mercy—and I am bold in asking. At 3pm, I will chant and plead as though heaven were a treasury and I a rightful heir. But then comes the dangerous arithmetic:
Be merciful—and I hesitate. Completely trust—and I recoil.
For I have quietly inserted a clause into the Gospel:
“I will show mercy… unless. I fear there will not be enough left for me.”
Thus I make mercy a scarce commodity, as though Christ’s wounds were a limited resource, rather than the infinite treasury of God.
It is the great joke of heaven that the only thing we must not say to God is “unless.”
For unless is the one word that attempts to negotiate with grace.
Thomas thought he was placing a condition upon belief; in truth, he was placing a limit upon wonder. And Christ, in His divine mischief, does not argue—He simply appears. He steps into the locked room, as easily as sunlight steps into a field, and offers the very evidence Thomas demanded.
But then—having granted the unless—He abolishes it.
“Blessed are those who have not seen and have believed.”
In other words: blessed are those who have burned their unless.
For faith does not begin when conditions are met; it begins when conditions are surrendered.
And mercy—true mercy—is not a transaction but a miracle. It does not depend upon the worthiness of the recipient, but upon the inexhaustibility of the Giver.
4. Oratio
Lord Jesus Christ, You who passed through locked doors and harder hearts, deliver me from the tyranny of my unless.
I have made conditions where You have made promises. I have measured mercy where You have poured it out without measure.
Give me the courage to trust without terms, to forgive without guarantees, to love without calculation.
Let Your wounds be enough for me— not as proof demanded, but as mercy received.
Remove the unless from my heart, that I may say, simply and boldly: “My Lord and my God.”
Amen.
5. Actio — In Light of Laudato Si’ and Synodality
Our efforts at education will be inadequate and ineffectual unless we strive to promote a new way of thinking about human beings, life, society and our relationship with nature.
This week, I will practice communal mercy without “unless ”—listening first, especially to someone I instinctively resist. I will enter conversation not as a negotiator of outcomes, but as a participant in grace.
For Synodality is not: “I will walk with you… unless .” It is: “We will walk together… because.”
“Unless I give everything, I give nothing at all.” The melody aches with the condition—but Christ fulfills it by becoming the One who gives everything first, so that my “unless” may finally rest.
7. Movie Pairing 🎬
🎬Movie: “The Lorax” (2012)
“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot…” The world does not change by conditions but by conviction. Mercy, like creation, waits not for guarantees but for a single act of courageous care.
What does it take to become a deacon? Apparently about 5½ years, 1,200 hours, and a whole lot of grace. Deacon Brian Lewis joins us to break down the journey to the permanent diaconate — vocations, formation, and why the Diocese of Amarillo is fishing for the next class of servant-leaders. Oh!…and making sure your wife signs the paperwork! 😅 Spoiler Alert: the nets are ready…now we just need the fishermen. 🎣
Spiritual Arms: Five Minutes for the Battle Kick off your day with 5 minutes of faith! Revised Standard Version (RSV) translation New Testament: • Luke 8:4-8 Old Testament: • Psalm 78:1-2 • Isaiah 55:10-11 Catechism of the Catholic Church: • Paragraph 546 Takeaways: • When people open their hearts to God’s Word, their hearts become stronger, more receptive, and better able to resist temptation. • A heart shaped by God’s Word also becomes more compassionate and able to listen to others who are struggling. • Many people need to hear about God’s love and mercy, but this is easier to share when one’s heart is open and rooted in faith. • God is always inviting people to let Him into their hearts. Don’t be afraid to let God into yours. He is knocking at the door…will you answer?
I want to share the latest episode of The Introverted Apostle — a podcast that has helped me revisit my own journey and see things in a different light. This episode features Deacon Tino Frausto and it hits close to home for anyone who has ever thought: “This isn’t my ministry… or my personality.” 😅 Deacon Tino’s story is a powerful reminder that God doesn’t wait for us to feel ready — He simply invites us to say yes. From wanting to stay behind the scenes to proclaiming the Gospel, his journey shows how grace often begins just outside our comfort zone.
My Story
Photo used by permission of Douglas Kirkland/Corbis via Getty Images
Memorial in the Grotto of St. Mary’s Cathedral. The inscription says: “In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.“
I was one of “the few” Bishop Zurek spoke of in this letter. He first posted it in August of 2019, and in response to my, “calling out all the more“, he kept reposting it atop the diocesan news page until December 11, 2019. There it remains to this day.
Fr. Ed Graff, brought here from Philadelphia by Bishop Matthiesen, was arrested in 2002 for sexually assaulting a minor and died later that year in jail. Despite the harm linked to his ministry, he was buried in an honored section of Llano Cemetery among our pioneering clergy — a decision that continues to wound survivors and raise hard questions for our diocese.
A tribute to Bishop Matthiesen—now a complex symbol in our diocesan history, erected by former priest John Salazar, whose later abuse conviction reminds us how painful chapters of the Church’s past must be faced honestly as we seek healing and communion.
Bishop Matthiesen, who rode the white horse of public activism even as he brought abusive priests into our diocese such as John Salazar—wounds that still mark us today. I spoke with him often, pleading with him to reconsider his “no regrets” about bringing those priests here…
Bishop Zurek, who told the Diocese of Amarillo he had “no facts” about the Philadelphia report even as Amarillo’s connection to that tragedy was headline news. When I continued to speak out, as Bishop Yanta had once urged me to do, he later wrote that I was not among the faithful and loyal disciples whom the Lord Jesus desires.
While we recognize your thoughtful suggestion for a renewed dialogue on Bishop Matthiesen, the present circumstances do not present an opportunity for it. I think it would foster division not dialogue. We remain confident in God’s providence and hopeful for what the future may bring.
