Lectio — Calculate
“Which of you wishing to construct a tower does not first sit down and calculate the cost?”
Luke 14:28
Jesus asks me to calculate the cost of discipleship before taking up my cross. Yet I wonder: can I ever calculate the cost of following Christ when the greatest cost may be surrendering my pride? Blessed am I when I discover that discipleship is not about winning an argument but losing myself in Christ.
Meditatio — The Cost I Failed to Calculate
This morning at The Glenn, I must admit that mathematics has never been my strong suit. Nearly twenty years ago, when I took up the cross of what Bishop Zurek later called a “serious mistake,” I failed to calculate its cost.
In the eighth paragraph of A Reflection on Christian Life, Bishop Zurek reminds me that my focus must always remain on Jesus. He warns that when I lose that focus, I lose the transforming power of love and forget that, as a layperson, I may not possess the fuller picture available to those entrusted with shepherding the Church.
If Boston is the fault line of the child sexual-abuse scandal that has convulsed the Roman Catholic Church, then few places have felt the aftershocks more deeply than the Diocese of Amarillo.
New York Times
I recognize myself in that warning. Meeting resistance, I grew angry and bitter. I lashed out at people and circumstances beyond my knowledge. More than once, I resolved to abandon the matter altogether, yet my conscience continued calling me back.
Saint Charles Borromeo, whose memorial I celebrate today, offers another example. He understood ecclesiastical authority, but also the demanding responsibility of reform. He did not confuse loyalty to the Church with silence about its shortcomings. His love for Christ compelled him to reform the Church, beginning with himself.
Laudato Si’ reminds me that when a forest is cleared for production, we often fail to calculate the losses to the soil, biodiversity, and environment. Perhaps I was so intent on clearing away what I believed was wrong that I failed to calculate the damage my own methods might cause.
The “serious mistake,” as I understood its consequences, had spread into questions of education, finances, and liturgy. In pursuing these concerns, I sometimes lost sight of the central issue. Perhaps that helps explain why Bishop Zurek did not understand what I was trying to accomplish.
Today I must calculate again, not merely the cost of speaking out, but the cost of speaking without love. Blessed am I if I can carry this cross without using it as a weapon.
Oratio — Teach Me to Calculate with Love
Lord Jesus, I have calculated many wrongs but too few of my own. Forgive the anger that has obscured my love and the pride that has distorted my judgment. Through the intercession of Saint Charles Borromeo, give me courage to seek truth, humility to accept correction, and charity toward those with whom I disagree. May I never calculate the cost of discipleship without remembering the priceless gift of Your mercy. Amen.
Contemplatio — What Cannot Be Calculated
Paragraph 155 of Magnifica Humanitas calls for renewed cooperation among institutions, workers, and communities to protect human dignity amid technological transformation. Old structures alone cannot answer new challenges; genuine progress requires listening, collaboration, and courageous reform.
I see a parallel in my relationship with the Church. Just as economic progress cannot be calculated solely by productivity, ecclesial faithfulness cannot be measured solely by institutional authority or individual conviction. Both must serve the dignity of the human person and the common good.
Saint Charles Borromeo understood that reform required both fidelity and transformation. I must learn that same balance. I cannot calculate the worth of my conscience by how often I prevail, nor the worth of the Church by how readily it agrees with me.
Perhaps the greatest blessing is discovering that truth and love are not competing accounts. They belong in the same ledger, and Christ alone knows their full value.
Actio — Calculating the Cost of Synodality
Today I will imitate Saint Charles Borromeo by beginning reform with myself. As I await clarification of my ministerial status, I will examine whether my words invite dialogue or deepen division.
Synodality asks me to walk together with those whose perspectives differ from mine. I will listen before judging, distinguish what I know from what I presume, and remain willing to correct my understanding without abandoning my conscience.
At The Glenn, I will remember that restoring damaged ground requires patience. So does restoring trust. Blessed are those willing to calculate the cost of reconciliation and pay it with humility and love.
Song Pairing — “2 + 2 = 5” by Radiohead
Radiohead’s 2 + 2 = 5 challenges the manipulation of truth and the temptation to accept false conclusions. It reminds me that neither authority nor personal conviction can make an incorrect calculation true. I must remain vigilant, especially when examining my own assumptions.
Movie Pairing — Hidden Figures (2016)
Hidden Figures reminds me that even the most sophisticated calculations are incomplete when human dignity is overlooked. Its story of perseverance, prejudice, and collaboration challenges me to recognize truth wherever it is found and to value those whose contributions institutions may fail to acknowledge.
Poetic Reflection — The Blessed Calculation
I tried to calculate the cost,
And counted all that I had lost.
But love revealed what pride concealed:
The wounded ground must first be healed.
No sum of wrongs can make me right,
No bitter word restore the light.
Blessed am I when I can see
That Christ must first reform in me.
Saint Charles, teach my heart to know
What must be kept, what I must sow.
For truth and love, when reconciled,
Make blessed the restless, humbled child.
