Day 35 of Lectio Divina for Synodality
Centennial of the Diocese of Amarillo
1. Lectio (Reading)
Jesus enters the synagogue not as a librarian of old footnotes,
but as a living footnote to God Himself.
He does not quote authority—He is authority.
The people are astonished.
Not because He is loud,
but because truth has weight.
An unclean spirit speaks first—
for evil always recognizes holiness before comfort does.
Jesus silences it, not with debate, but with command.
And the people are amazed.
Not at the spectacle,
but at the order restored.
“If Boston is the fault line of the child sexual-abuse scandal that has convulsed the Roman Catholic Church, then few places have felt the aftershocks more deeply than the Diocese of Amarillo.”
New York Times
August 24, 2002
“In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.”
“’… the Church looks with particular attention ‘to the poor, the needy, the afflicted, the hungry, the suffering, the imprisoned, that is, she looks to all humanity that suffers and weeps: she is part of them by evangelical right.’”
Dilexi te §84
Can I be amazed in faith—the January pillar of our Diocesan Centennial—by a Church that truly looks with particular attention to the poor, the afflicted, the imprisoned, and all who suffer, and ask whether my own faith is astonished enough to recognize that, by evangelical right, the Church belongs to them and with them, especially those who still weep and wait to be heard in regards to our “serious mistake”?
2. Meditatio (Meditation)
Today, I find myself counted among the “all” who were amazed.
Photo used by permission of Douglas Kirkland/Corbis via Getty Images
I am amazed—not scandalized, not outraged—but genuinely amazed
that there remains no space for synodality
regarding the Diocese of Amarillo’s Tribute to Bishop Matthiesen,
especially when it was Bishop Zurek himself
who named that chapter of our history a “serious mistake.”
My amazement is not the amazement of accusation,
but the amazement of a parishioner
who believes silence is heavier than words.
I am amazed that a wound acknowledged in principle
cannot be approached in practice.
Amazed that a Centennial devoted to faith, hope, communion, and mission
cannot pause to listen to one voice
asking not for removal,
but for conversation.
Below: A Fallen Centennial Banner
And yet—I am equally amazed by something else.
I am amazed at how this daily Lectio Divina
casts out the unclean spirits within me—
the spirit that wants victory instead of truth,
the spirit that wants power instead of communion,
the spirit that wants to cry out loudly
instead of allowing Christ to speak with authority.
Jesus does not argue with the unclean spirit.
He commands it to be quiet.
Perhaps that is what this prayer is doing in me—
quieting my need to win,
so that Christ alone may speak.
3. Contemplatio (Chestertonian Synthesis)
It is always the unclean spirit that shouts first.
Holiness does not need a megaphone.
I have learned that amazement is a form of humility—
the admission that God is acting
where I expected argument.
Christ amazes not by spectacle,
but by restoring order where chaos had grown familiar.
If my heart is astonished,
it may be because Christ is at work there—
not casting out others,
but casting out illusions I mistook for righteousness.
4. Oratio (Prayer)
Lord Jesus Christ,
who taught with authority and not as the scribes,
quiet in me every unclean spirit
that speaks before listening,
that demands answers before offering love.
Give me the grace to be amazed
not by power,
but by truth spoken gently.
Teach me to trust that Your authority
does not need my volume,
only my fidelity.
Amen.
5. Actio (Action – Synodality & Laudato si’)
“The markets, which immediately benefit from sales, stimulate ever greater demand. An outsider looking at our world would be amazed at such behaviour, which at times appears self-destructive.”
Laudato si’ §55
Inspired by Laudato si’
Today, I will practice listening without defending—
believing that true authority grows
where dialogue is allowed
and where silence is not used as a shield.
Synodality begins not when I am heard,
but when I remain present even when I am not.
6. Song Pairing
🎶 “Amazed” – Lonestar
just as the Gospel amazes not by force,
but by authority rooted in truth.
7. Movie Pairing
🎬Movie: The Exorcist (1973)
evil reveals itself loudly,
but it is holiness—quiet, steady, obedient—that prevails.
Email to Bishop Zurek
Subject: A Request to Be Heard in the Spirit of Synodality During Our Centennial
Your Excellency Bishop Zurek,
I write to you with respect and with a sincere desire to remain in communion with the Church during this Centennial year of the Diocese of Amarillo.
As we approach the Centennial celebrations and the Respect Life Mass, I find myself holding an interior conflict that I cannot ignore in conscience. In prayer, particularly through Lectio Divina on the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord, I was struck by the single word spoken by Christ to John the Baptist: “Allow it.” Those words have stayed with me.
They raise a question in my heart: what does the Church allow herself to hear, and whom does she allow herself to accompany?
I desire to celebrate our Centennial and to stand in solidarity with the Church’s witness to the dignity of life. At the same time, I struggle to do so without any space for synodality regarding the Diocese of Amarillo’s Tribute to Bishop Matthiesen, especially in light of what has been acknowledged as a “serious mistake” during that period of our history. The continued silence around this tribute weighs heavily on me, not as an accusation, but as a pastoral wound.
Recently, Pope Leo reminded the Church that “abuse itself causes a deep wound, which may last a lifetime; but often the greater scandal is that the door was closed and victims were not welcomed or accompanied with the closeness of authentic pastors.” He shared the testimony of a victim who said that the most painful part was that no bishop wanted to listen. The Holy Father emphasized that listening is profoundly important and asked the Church to deepen dialogue and implement synodality.
It is in this spirit that I write. I am not asking for condemnation, nor am I asking for erasure of history. I am asking whether there can be listening—whether synodality can be allowed—so that the Centennial truly reflects the four pillars we have named: faith, hope, communion, and mission.
I want to be present at the Respect Life Mass and to celebrate our Centennial in good conscience. But I also want to know that the Church I love is willing to listen to those for whom this tribute remains a source of pain, confusion, and exclusion.
Your Excellency, I remain obedient to your pastoral authority, but I also remain compelled by conscience and prayer to ask that this conversation be allowed to take place. I believe that such listening would not diminish our celebration, but purify it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Please know of my prayers for you and for our Diocese during this significant year.
Respectfully in Christ,
Darrell
My Story
“In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.“
- Bishop Matthiesen, who rode the white horse of public activism even as he brought abusive priests into our diocese such as John Salazar—wounds that still mark us today. I spoke with him often, pleading with him to reconsider his “no regrets” about bringing those priests here…
- Bishop Yanta, who sought to enforce the Dallas Charter even when Bishop Matthiesen resisted him, and who bore the personal and pastoral cost of doing so. I met with Bishop Yanta about Bishop Matthiessen’s “no regrets” stance. He listened. He believed me. He acted where he could. And when he retired, he urged me—quietly but firmly—to keep speaking out.
- Bishop Zurek, who told the Diocese of Amarillo he had “no facts” about the Philadelphia report even as Amarillo’s connection to that tragedy was headline news. When I continued to speak out, as Bishop Yanta had once urged me to do, he later wrote that I was not among the faithful and loyal disciples whom the Lord Jesus desires.