Day 36 of Lectio Divina for Synodality
Centennial of the Diocese of Amarillo
1. Lectio (Reading)
Jesus heals a household, then a whole town, and then does the most irritating thing imaginable: He leaves. He goes to pray. And when the disciples breathlessly announce, “Everyone is looking for you,” He does not smile with satisfaction. He does not say, “Good, my work here is successful.” Instead, He says something far more alarming: “Let us go on… for this purpose have I come.”
“If Boston is the fault line of the child sexual-abuse scandal that has convulsed the Roman Catholic Church, then few places have felt the aftershocks more deeply than the Diocese of Amarillo.”
New York Times
August 24, 2002
“In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.”
“’…God destined the earth and all it contains for all people and nations so that all created things would be shared fairly by all humankind under the guidance of justice tempered by charity… In their use of things people should regard the external goods they lawfully possess as not just their own but common to others as well, in the sense that they can benefit others as well as themselves.’”
Dilexi te §86
Do I truly live the January pillar of faith with purpose, believing that God has destined all things for all people, and allowing that faith to shape how I hold what I possess—not as my own alone, but as a gift meant to serve others through justice tempered by charity?
2. Meditatio (Meditation)
Today I stumble over a single, dangerous, and wonderfully clarifying word: purpose.
Photo used by permission of Douglas Kirkland/Corbis via Getty Images
My purpose, then, is not to be sought after.
I am a wannabe shepherd. I know—painfully—that my sheep hear my voice. They write to me. They thank me. They sometimes argue with me. And yet, somewhere deep in my heart, I long for the moment when someone will finally say, “Everyone has read what you wrote about the Tribute to Bishop Matthiesen. Everyone is looking for you.”
Is that my purpose?
Below: A Fallen Centennial Banner
Or is my purpose the quieter, heavier one: to speak even when no one applauds, to write even when silence answers back, to pray even when the door remains closed?
The frightening truth is that God can work even through my mixed motives. He is not scandalized by my desire to be seen; He simply refuses to let it be the reason. Purpose, I am learning, is not about popularity but obedience. Jesus leaves crowds precisely so He will not confuse success with faithfulness.
3. Contemplatio (Chestertonian Synthesis)
It is one of Christianity’s supreme jokes—played entirely at the expense of human vanity—that the Son of God heals the masses and then hides in prayer, while His followers run about announcing His popularity like overexcited publicists.
Purpose is not where the noise is loudest; it is where the will is clearest. The modern world believes purpose is proven by visibility, but the Gospel insists it is proven by direction. Christ’s purpose sends Him away from applause and into obedience. Mine, if it is to resemble His even faintly, must do the same.
Thus I discover a paradox worth kneeling before:
My purpose is not to be found, but to be sent.
4. Oratio (Prayer)
Lord Jesus,
you healed the sick, cast out demons,
and still withdrew to pray before dawn.
Purify my purpose.
Strip it of the hunger to be noticed,
and strengthen it with the courage to be faithful.
When I long to hear, “Everyone is looking for you,”
teach me instead to listen for your quieter call:
“Let us go on… for this purpose have I come.”
Grant me the grace to follow you
even when the road leads away from the crowd,
and to trust that obedience is never wasted,
even when it is unseen.
Amen.
5. Actio (Action – Synodality & Laudato si’)
“The ultimate purpose of other creatures is not to be found in us. Rather, all creatures are moving forward with us and through us towards a common point of arrival, which is God, in that transcendent fullness where the risen Christ embraces and illumines all things. “
Laudato si’ §83
Inspired by Laudato si’
Today I will examine my motives before I speak or post. I will ask not, “Will this be noticed?” but “Does this serve communion, truth, and the dignity of the wounded?” I will act not to win attention, but to remain faithful to the path Synodality requires—listening, walking, and discerning together.
6. Song Pairing
🎶 “The Motions” – Matthew West
7. Movie Pairing
🎬Movie: Silence (2016)
Email to Bishop Zurek
Subject: A Request to Be Heard in the Spirit of Synodality During Our Centennial
Your Excellency Bishop Zurek,
I write to you with respect and with a sincere desire to remain in communion with the Church during this Centennial year of the Diocese of Amarillo.
As we approach the Centennial celebrations and the Respect Life Mass, I find myself holding an interior conflict that I cannot ignore in conscience. In prayer, particularly through Lectio Divina on the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord, I was struck by the single word spoken by Christ to John the Baptist: “Allow it.” Those words have stayed with me.
They raise a question in my heart: what does the Church allow herself to hear, and whom does she allow herself to accompany?
I desire to celebrate our Centennial and to stand in solidarity with the Church’s witness to the dignity of life. At the same time, I struggle to do so without any space for synodality regarding the Diocese of Amarillo’s Tribute to Bishop Matthiesen, especially in light of what has been acknowledged as a “serious mistake” during that period of our history. The continued silence around this tribute weighs heavily on me, not as an accusation, but as a pastoral wound.
Recently, Pope Leo reminded the Church that “abuse itself causes a deep wound, which may last a lifetime; but often the greater scandal is that the door was closed and victims were not welcomed or accompanied with the closeness of authentic pastors.” He shared the testimony of a victim who said that the most painful part was that no bishop wanted to listen. The Holy Father emphasized that listening is profoundly important and asked the Church to deepen dialogue and implement synodality.
It is in this spirit that I write. I am not asking for condemnation, nor am I asking for erasure of history. I am asking whether there can be listening—whether synodality can be allowed—so that the Centennial truly reflects the four pillars we have named: faith, hope, communion, and mission.
I want to be present at the Respect Life Mass and to celebrate our Centennial in good conscience. But I also want to know that the Church I love is willing to listen to those for whom this tribute remains a source of pain, confusion, and exclusion.
Your Excellency, I remain obedient to your pastoral authority, but I also remain compelled by conscience and prayer to ask that this conversation be allowed to take place. I believe that such listening would not diminish our celebration, but purify it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Please know of my prayers for you and for our Diocese during this significant year.
Respectfully in Christ,
Darrell
My Story
“In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.“
- Bishop Matthiesen, who rode the white horse of public activism even as he brought abusive priests into our diocese such as John Salazar—wounds that still mark us today. I spoke with him often, pleading with him to reconsider his “no regrets” about bringing those priests here…
- Bishop Yanta, who sought to enforce the Dallas Charter even when Bishop Matthiesen resisted him, and who bore the personal and pastoral cost of doing so. I met with Bishop Yanta about Bishop Matthiessen’s “no regrets” stance. He listened. He believed me. He acted where he could. And when he retired, he urged me—quietly but firmly—to keep speaking out.
- Bishop Zurek, who told the Diocese of Amarillo he had “no facts” about the Philadelphia report even as Amarillo’s connection to that tragedy was headline news. When I continued to speak out, as Bishop Yanta had once urged me to do, he later wrote that I was not among the faithful and loyal disciples whom the Lord Jesus desires.