Day 37 of Lectio Divina for Synodality
Centennial of the Diocese of Amarillo
1. Lectio (Reading)
Today’s Gospel troubles me because Jesus heals—and then warns. The miracle is free; the warning is stern. Mercy does not abolish responsibility; it sharpens it. The healed man disobeys, and though his enthusiasm spreads the news, it drives Jesus into the margins, into deserted places. The miracle is not undone, but its mismanagement narrows the places where Christ may go.
“If Boston is the fault line of the child sexual-abuse scandal that has convulsed the Roman Catholic Church, then few places have felt the aftershocks more deeply than the Diocese of Amarillo.”
New York Times
August 24, 2002
“In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.”
“’Today, furthermore, given the worldwide dimension which the social question has assumed, this love of preference for the poor, and the decisions which it inspires in us, cannot but embrace the immense multitudes of the hungry, the needy, the homeless, those without medical care and, above all, those without hope of a better future.’”
Dilexi te §86
As I live the pillar of faith this January, do I receive this teaching as a warning to my own heart—that believing in Christ cannot be separated from a preferential love for the poor, the hungry, the homeless, and those without hope due to our “serious mistake”, or else my faith risks becoming words without flesh?
2. Meditatio (Meditation)
This morning I watched our farm cat, Elinor—named in a season when I was foolish enough to read Sense and Sensibility and think myself sensible—pick her way along the branches of a pine tree. She moved with such confidence that one would think gravity itself had signed a non-aggression pact with her. And yet I know, as all honest observers must, that one careless step would send her tumbling.
Photo used by permission of Douglas Kirkland/Corbis via Getty Images
So too with institutions.
The Diocese of Amarillo celebrates its Centennial with banners, prayers, and polished recollections of episcopal virtue. Everything appears balanced, deliberate, in control. And yet, like Elinor on the pine bough, the past is perilous. The branches remember what the banners forget.
I cannot help but wonder whether my own warnings—about the absence of Synodality regarding the Diocese of Amarillo’s Tribute to Bishop Matthiesen—are being ignored in much the same way. Bishop Zurek has named that period a “serious mistake,” yet the tribute remains untouched, unspoken, unexplained. The Centennial banners rise, but some fall quickly to the ground, as if history itself were tugging at the rope.
Below: A Fallen Centennial Banner
I do not issue warnings as threats. I issue them as acts of fidelity. For if we celebrate without listening, commemorate without repentance, and praise without truth, we may not undo Christ’s mercy—but we may restrict the spaces where He is welcomed.
And that, I fear, is the gravest warning of all.
3. Contemplatio (Chestertonian Synthesis)
The paradox is this:
Christ is most powerful when He withdraws,
and the Church is most endangered when she believes herself secure.
Warnings are not the enemies of joy;
they are its guardrails.
They do not shout; they whisper—
and only the proud mistake a whisper for silence.
If the Church forgets how to heed warnings,
she will still perform miracles—
but always farther from the town square,
always nearer the desert,
until even the banners wonder whom they are praising.
4. Oratio (Prayer)
Lord Jesus Christ,
who touched what was untouchable
and spoke mercy before command,
teach me to hear Your warnings as grace,
not as rebuke.
Cleanse Your Church where she celebrates without listening,
where she remembers without repentance,
and where she praises without truth.
Grant us the humility
to heed what is uncomfortable,
the courage to speak what is inconvenient,
and the wisdom to know
that love sometimes must warn
so that You may dwell among us openly again.
Amen.
5. Actio (Action – Synodality & Laudato si’)
“Some studies warn that an acute water shortage may occur within a few decades unless urgent action is taken. The environmental repercussions could affect billions of people; it is also conceivable that the control of water by large multinational businesses may become a major source of conflict in this century.”
Laudato si’ §31
Inspired by Laudato Si’, I will practice synodal listening today by pausing before speaking, asking whom my words might exclude, and choosing dialogue over display—especially with those whose wounds warn the Church where she has stumbled.
6. Song Pairing
🎶 “What’s New Pussycat” (Tom Jones)
7. Movie Pairing
🎬Movie: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958)
Email to Bishop Zurek
Subject: A Request to Be Heard in the Spirit of Synodality During Our Centennial
Your Excellency Bishop Zurek,
I write to you with respect and with a sincere desire to remain in communion with the Church during this Centennial year of the Diocese of Amarillo.
As we approach the Centennial celebrations and the Respect Life Mass, I find myself holding an interior conflict that I cannot ignore in conscience. In prayer, particularly through Lectio Divina on the Feast of the Baptism of the Lord, I was struck by the single word spoken by Christ to John the Baptist: “Allow it.” Those words have stayed with me.
They raise a question in my heart: what does the Church allow herself to hear, and whom does she allow herself to accompany?
I desire to celebrate our Centennial and to stand in solidarity with the Church’s witness to the dignity of life. At the same time, I struggle to do so without any space for synodality regarding the Diocese of Amarillo’s Tribute to Bishop Matthiesen, especially in light of what has been acknowledged as a “serious mistake” during that period of our history. The continued silence around this tribute weighs heavily on me, not as an accusation, but as a pastoral wound.
Recently, Pope Leo reminded the Church that “abuse itself causes a deep wound, which may last a lifetime; but often the greater scandal is that the door was closed and victims were not welcomed or accompanied with the closeness of authentic pastors.” He shared the testimony of a victim who said that the most painful part was that no bishop wanted to listen. The Holy Father emphasized that listening is profoundly important and asked the Church to deepen dialogue and implement synodality.
It is in this spirit that I write. I am not asking for condemnation, nor am I asking for erasure of history. I am asking whether there can be listening—whether synodality can be allowed—so that the Centennial truly reflects the four pillars we have named: faith, hope, communion, and mission.
I want to be present at the Respect Life Mass and to celebrate our Centennial in good conscience. But I also want to know that the Church I love is willing to listen to those for whom this tribute remains a source of pain, confusion, and exclusion.
Your Excellency, I remain obedient to your pastoral authority, but I also remain compelled by conscience and prayer to ask that this conversation be allowed to take place. I believe that such listening would not diminish our celebration, but purify it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Please know of my prayers for you and for our Diocese during this significant year.
Respectfully in Christ,
Darrell
My Story
“In memory of the death of innocence of the victims of clergy sexual abuse. When innocence dies…a life stops. It is essential that we never forget.“
- Bishop Matthiesen, who rode the white horse of public activism even as he brought abusive priests into our diocese such as John Salazar—wounds that still mark us today. I spoke with him often, pleading with him to reconsider his “no regrets” about bringing those priests here…
- Bishop Yanta, who sought to enforce the Dallas Charter even when Bishop Matthiesen resisted him, and who bore the personal and pastoral cost of doing so. I met with Bishop Yanta about Bishop Matthiessen’s “no regrets” stance. He listened. He believed me. He acted where he could. And when he retired, he urged me—quietly but firmly—to keep speaking out.
- Bishop Zurek, who told the Diocese of Amarillo he had “no facts” about the Philadelphia report even as Amarillo’s connection to that tragedy was headline news. When I continued to speak out, as Bishop Yanta had once urged me to do, he later wrote that I was not among the faithful and loyal disciples whom the Lord Jesus desires.